Can I remain friends with my ex?
The concerns of whether and how to remain friends with an ex are both complex and ubiquitous. In 2021, staying friends with an ex may seem like a must and an ultimate indication of maturity. Most celebrity breakup announcements these days include the intention to remain friends.
Bill gate and his ex-wife recently said in a joint statement that they learned they are “better as friends and intend to continue such”. This is coming after calling off their marriage. Although, Bill and Melinda Gates’s relationship isn’t for everyone. In the same way, an open relationship isn’t for all. Personally, I’m not a big fan of remaining friends with your ex.
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Why do people always feel confused about whether or not to stay friends with their ex?
Everyone will have a different perspective on whether or not you should keep friends with an ex. And it will all be based on their personal experiences. Of course, if they kept friends with an ex and were hurt, they’ll warn you to stay away from them at all costs. They might even suggest it’s impossible to keep an ex as a friend
It is however possible to be friends with an ex, but there is a catch. You both must be willing to recognize that you are not a pair anymore. Maintaining a good relationship after a breakup necessitates both parties recognizing what will and will not be acceptable in the new friendship.
Negative consequences of staying friends with my ex
- Possibilities of it ending in a worse way than earlier
I want to assume that you ended your relationship with your ex on a not-too-bad note (that’s the only way you can be hoping for a friendship). Well, being a friend with an ex may sound so nice in theory. However, in practice, it’s not so easy and there is a high possibility that it won’t work out. If it does not then there is a higher possibility that you end up getting more hurt than you were after the break-up.
- Harm new relationship
Perhaps you’ve opted to keep in touch with a previous partner. While this is mature and healthy, not everyone especially a new partner would appreciate your ex being around. If you don’t have any residual romantic sentiments, you might not have to cut off the friendship.
However, if you see yourself retaining your ex around for reasons you don’t want to admit, it may put a stop to any new relationships before they have a chance to flourish.
- Reigniting old feelings
Most individuals keep in touch with their ex-partners because they don’t want to terminate things abruptly and face life without someone who has meant so much to them. People believe that keeping friends with an ex will make the breakup simpler and less painful, but they are mistaken.
Understandably, you don’t want to completely lose such a significant person in your life. However, hanging out with them after the breakup will make it nearly impossible to forget your feelings for them.
You’ll let down your guard once you’re comfortable in each other’s presence again, and those romantic sentiments may resurface, simmering beneath the surface once again.
How do I make it work?
- Give it time
It’s critical to give yourself and your ex time to recover once your relationship ends, especially if you want to maintain a positive friendship with them. Keep in mind that even though you and your ex aren’t great friends right after the breakup doesn’t imply you won’t be in the future.
Friendships between people and their ex-partners have developed and expanded over time. If your ex isn’t ready, don’t push him or her into a friendship. This will also ensure that no one person is left to put in all the effort.
- Clear boundaries
You can maintain a friendship with your ex if you have set clear limits and established respect. Because otherwise, things will become a shambles.
Having boundaries usually means that your new partner will feel safe about your friendship with your relationship ex and inform you when they think your ex is going too far or making them uneasy. An ex can remain in your life without causing problems in your new relationship once clear limits have been established.
- You are not obligated to them in any way.
Though the above could help you make a perfect friendship with your ex you have to remember that you should be your major concern and if you feel like it isn’t working or you might get hurt in one way or the other I advise you to let go. It’s fantastic if you and your ex are friends but if you are not truly happy or you are still feeling jealous when you see them with their new partner, let them go.
