How to differentiate between love and limerence

Are you confused and can’t differentiate between love and Limerence? You can’t place your feelings. Well, you are not alone. It is not so easy to differentiate between love and Limerence as they may both appear similarly.

Most people equate Limerence with infatuation, lovesickness, or lust, whereas others associate it with a love madness or addiction. Limerence in a relationship is the feeling of “I need you, want you, and can’t survive without you.”

So how do we differentiate between love and Limerence?

What is Limerence?

Limerence is the “love at first sight” feeling you experience at the start of a relationship. Going through the limerence phases, you will feel deeply in love with your significant other.

Because of how strong it is, you can’t have Limerence feeling with more than one person at a time. The subject of romantic desires is known as the “limerent object.”

Limerence coexists with affairs. Someone married or in a committed relationship can have a limerence feeling. They develop strong feelings for someone who is not their companion. The limerent relationship may not be acknowledged in this case.

How do you differentiate love from Limerence?

The main distinction is that love necessitates a genuine, meaningful bond with another person, whereas Limerence is about chasing and lusting after someone.

In Limerence, you practically want your limerent object to be perfect without fault. Love is not like this. Love knows and accepts the significant other the way they are.

How does relationship limerence begin?

Our brain produces strong brain chemicals and hormones in the early stages of attraction, providing the sense of happiness of being “in love.” When a relationship progresses, bonding hormones such as oxytocin help to calm the sensation.

One of the primary reasons for the high euphoric feeling is a rise in dopamine, a neurochemical. Cocaine users experience an equal dopamine rush.

A high increase in dopamine can cause intense, all-consuming cravings for more. Whether in cocaine addicts or Limerence.

5 signs you are in the limerence stage of a relationship

Endless fantasizing thoughts

You constantly think of the object of your desire and feel the intense love and affection. This makes you constantly think about their words and possible acts leading to you doing everything in their favor, even if the two of you are not in a relationship. You may also obsessively think about them and a possible future together.

You yearn for your feelings to be returned.

Your infatuation with them results from a desire to have your feelings validated. When experiencing Limerence, you may obsess over any indication of reciprocation, such as revisiting any meeting in detail or reading emails more than once to feel high in love.

You may even imagine yourself as the “hero/heroine” in various fantasies you have with this person, moments when you help them escape risky conditions with the hidden hope that they will eventually love you.

Mood Swings

Extreme emotional peaks when the other individuals respond and show interest, and extreme emotional lows when they show unwillingness or ignore you.

When someone is experiencing Limerence, they are constantly assessing the other person’s feelings to ensure that they are feeling the same way.
Affairs accentuate mood swings by allowing one to experience euphoria when with their affair partner and guilt when alone.

Nervousness and self-consciousness

The fear of being turned down by their limerent object is very real for a limerent.

This causes them to doubt themselves and become very nervous in the presence of their object of desire. They are always frustrated and unhappy as a result of this.

They conceal aspects of themselves for their lover to see only the best of them, attempting to appear flawless.

You believe they are perfect.

It’s natural to miss or turn a blind eye to the other person’s weaknesses when you’re in the initial stages of a new relationship. However, as the relationship develops, we substitute these feelings with understanding.

You acknowledge your partner’s flaws because they are beautifully imperfect human beings.

Such weaknesses do not exist in a limerent. In every way, the limerent object is flawless. This blindness sets in quickly, even if they barely know the other person.

They idealize and place their love interest on a pedestal.

Is it possible to have mutual Limerence?

There are differing views on whether mutual Limerence is possible. Consider how a person going through the phases of Limerence will experience even more deep emotions when unsure whether the limerent object feels this way about them.

Limerence isn’t always mutual in this sense. When one individual develops feelings for another, the other individual may not reciprocate.

However, Limerence can and is reciprocated if it occurs at the start of a new relationship where both parties are filled with longing and infatuation.

Can Limerence ever be transformed into love?

Limerence and love have similar roots. What matters is whether you can accept the reality of loving someone rather than the illusion and still turn up for them as the relationship transitions from sexual attraction to compassionate love.

Limerence brings us together and gives us the chance to grow into love. But, it is not guaranteed that everything will work out. Love is a gamble. However, developing a relationship based on trust and honesty will pave the way for greater intimacy. That is eventually what we seek in relationships, but it requires each partner’s willingness and hard work. It will not happen by itself.

Infatuation happens when you are more concerned with having your crush satisfy some fantasy you have in your head than with knowing them precisely as they are.

It can become a better relationship once you stop fantasizing and reconnect with them with curiosity. Limerence can be transformed into love, but only with a mental shift from you. The key is providing yourself with the same validation and meaning you seek in the other.

Rather than depending on them to fit your requirements, you’d have to start focusing on yourself, your progress, and your strength to find great happiness, meet your necessities, and make room for others. This allows for the reciprocity connection, open-mindedness, comprehension, and empathy we experience in love.